The perception of gender affiliation and your own body can be important in a sex and pleasure context. Being a trans person doesn’t automatically mean you want to change your body, but it may influence how you choose to use it for pleasure and to have sex.

Some trans people have a desire to change their body so that it’s more consistent with their own identity and body perception.

If you change your body with surgery, you need to let it heal properly before trying out sex with your new body. How long a body takes to heal varies from one person to the next. It’s best to talk to your doctor, and don’t forget to listen to your body. But you can of course have sex with other parts of your body than just the genitals during the healing process and afterwards. When it comes to breast surgery, it’s important to take care and avoid exposing the area before it has healed.

It is an individual and personal choice on what to call the parts of their body. You decide what you want to call the different parts of your own body. Communicate with your partner or partners about which words they prefer when referring to their body, and talk about how you see yourself. You could for instance call your genitals a cock, regardless of what they actually look like.

Some people talk about “trans competent” sex, in the sense of being able to fuck without the other person feeling gender-assigned in a way they’re not comfortable with. This means different things to different people. There are no universal rules that apply to all trans people. One tip, however – in addition to communication – is to carefully consider the words you use with your partner. To suck someone or lick them? Choose the word that feels best. You can for example jerk off or wank both a pussy and a cock, but for whatever reason the term is more commonly used for cocks. It might therefore be worth thinking about what the word signifies for you and your partners. For many people, it’s important to avoid gender-specific words. Rather than ‘cock’ or ‘pussy’, you could for instance use the word ‘sex’ or ‘genitals’. It’s important to talk to the person you’re having sex with about where and how it’s OK to touch and feel the person’s body. This obviously doesn’t only apply to trans people; asking and checking what feels right is crucial to ensure satisfying sex for everyone involved. It’s also important not to decide for yourself how your sex partner thinks of their body. When in doubt, ask.

Everyone is different and uses their body in different ways. Even if your sex partner has a desire to reassign their body, you cannot assume that their relationship with their own body (for instance the genitals) is problematic.

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